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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

It's amazing...


...what you can achieve when you don't feel like it.

I had a friend who used to constantly wonder out loud how I got all the stuff done that I did. And I suppose I do make a lot of art...most of it small in size, but that in itself doesn't necessarily mean I haven't taken time and care over it. When I asked her why she didn't make more herself, she would say, oh, I have to feel like it. Apparently, she very rarely did.

The reasons people give for not doing what they want to do are many and varied. Oh, well, I had to do this, that or the next thing. Oh, well, I don't have the right (whatever it is...). Oh, well, I wasn't feeling too great. Oh, well... whatever... It's funny how we never manage to do the opposite, to look at what we have, enthuse about it wholeheartedly and set to work (possibly whistling hiho, hiho...).

I'm having a hard time at the moment. The demon depression is back with a vengeance. And whilst I rarely associate my art with my illness, since I'd hate to be accused of making therapy, rather than art, I have to admit, it would be a good excuse for not working. Instead, I'm doing what I know has to be done, what I'd normally choose to do. I go in to the studio, I pat a bit of cloth, here, paint a bit of paper there...and before you know it, I have managed to get through three or four hours without weeping into my coffee, bemoaning my fate or otherwise moping.

Amazing, how easy it is to feel like it...

3 comments:

Terri said...

I always think that beginning is the hardest part somedays. Fear used to keep me from starting things. Fear of my own inadequacies and inabilities. But not so much any more thankfully. These days I usually say to myself "what the hell", stare that inner critic in the eye and tell her to go take a running jump while I set about proving her wrong. There are still one or two areas I dither over, but I'm making amazing inroads into these areas everyday. Yes, just getting in there and 'doing' is a huge step. Sorry to hear the depression has been bothering you again. Hugs my friend. :o)

Felicity said...

During my teens I would only draw when I felt 'in the mood' so I had huge gaps in between. Then I discovered, if I just sat down and did it, I could put myself in the mood! Big discovery! Sorry to hear about the depression, hope it doesn't last long.

annabel said...

My mum has suffered from bouts of depression all her life, so I sort of know what you mean, and hope you'll begin to feel better soon. Love the blog, you do some amazing things.