Probably. And at all kinds of different levels. On a personal basis, I have discovered that one of the touchstones of my life was a lie. So a lot of time has been spent thinking about that, redefining the past and myself, to some extent. Wondering what the other lies were, whether anything was as it seemed at the time, or seems like now. Confused.
On a professional basis, too, I'm confused. Having spent a brief spell back in the world of work, there would appear to be no opportunities around for me to rejoin it after being made redundant last year. This is on the surface, no bad thing... but it does mean I'm not actually making very much in the way of money. Nothing new there, really...except that I've had to face the fact that I'm not working very hard at anything at the moment. And I'm not really sure what it is I want. And I seem to think that it's not possible to make a living out of art (which is actually untrue; try reading Dijanne's blog, if you haven't already).
And I've been writing the Brusho book, and checking the proofs for the Evolon book. Writing is a demanding thing; it demands time, commitment and a lot of effort, much of which does involve art, thankfully, but not all of it. Because I publish my own books, I have to talk to customers, whether individuals or businesses, chase money, do the publicity (which I'm really not good at), and all the business related stuff.
Mostly, though, I've been making beads. Not an activity I ever thought I'd take up, but as you've seen from earlier posts, I've been playing with the idea for several weeks now. Fortunately, though, none of these things are the dead ends they might appear. All of them have come together to suggest new ways forward for me, and whilst I am still thinking, I'm working, too. I'm going to start selling materials, as well as my books, I'm working out a new workshop programme, and I'm setting up a website. I'm also working out the fine details of offering a printing service to textile artists with Big Bertha, my large scale professional printer (an Epson).As well as all of that, I'm writing a book with my friend Jill, on landscapes. And the work with the beads is suggesting all sorts of ways to move forward in my textile work, including the 3D work which has evaded me so far.
Not all that bad a sidetrack, really... I don't seem to have made much in the way of decisions, but I'm behaving as if I have, and starting to get things done. Wish me luck.
4 comments:
Sorry to hear about your personal "aha" moment, those times do shake the foundations of our lives. Everything you're doing, or not doing, is part of the artistic path you're on, even though it might not seem so right now. Just go with the flow, it's all good.
sending you lots of good luck - and good vibes. although it sounds like you're having a tough time it sounds like there's an ariadne's thread there for you as well and you have hold of it :)
go well
xxx
You seem to have enough projects to hold off the paying-job anxieties. I always find projects, which have a definitive end, a great therapeutic outlet. At the very least, it gives you something to swear at that doesn't involve relationships:-)
You are doing well, m'dear. Keep up the good work.
Oh dear, sometimes another "aha" moment takes all the energy you'd like to put somewhere else. You're so good at doing such varied and interesting things . . . one of them is gonna put the wind under your parachute one of these days.
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