Writing...

is something I have felt I ought to be able to do, but somehow couldn't.  I trained as a linguist; if anyone could write, you would think that I would be able to. I thought that I was condemned to translating other peoples' work, other peoples' ideas...that I had none of my own.  Recently, though, I've been writing a lot, mainly haiku, but some poems, and the tentative beginnings of a novel.  Very tentative.

I've been quite disturbed by the way in which the recent suicide of the truly gifted Robin Williams has been reported, so I wanted to share this.  Those of you who have followed the blog for a while, know that I suffer from chronic depression, and that some of my work is around that.  This is by way of an attempt to explain to people who just don't 'get it' for one reason or another, just what depression is like.

To Those Who Don't Believe In Depression.
I know you don’t believe that we’re in pain. Mostly because you cannot see we’re broken, The things that we keep hidden because we feelAshamed, inadequate, insufficient, lostIn a darkness you don’t seem to see,Mostly because you don’t know how to look.Or perhaps, you’ve never thought that it was possibleTo seem to be one thing, yet feel another,Both at the same time. And yet, it is.We can’t explain it to you; hell, we can’t explain it to ourselves.But it is as real as you are, to us, and though our bodiesAre not broken, we are in pain.How can we explain it? Did you, when you were young,Lose a cat, a dog, or even, perhaps, a person? RememberHow it hurt? Remember being told that the cared for oneHad gone away to heaven? And thinking that you didn’tUnderstand? Such pain, such confusion…but gradually, youFelt less and less, remembered less and less, and returnedTo your usually happy state… and life went on.Imagine that pain, intensified, confusion combined with the feelingThat it is all your fault, the way you feel, that this thing should be happening.Imagine it going on and on, for years and years, without improving; ratherIt just gets worse. And it is never forgotten, not for a nanosecond. 
Perhaps, if you can imagine that, you can beginTo understand, to accept, above all, not to judge.That is all we ask for, we who suffer. It doesn't seem like much.


Personally, I thought Robin Williams was immortal, a touchstone, a miracle.  Through his work, perhaps he truly is.  His death is a reminder that all of us have demons.  Some of us deny them, some ignore them.  Some grapple with them and lose.  Some gain temporary respite... but they don't often go away entirely.  We don't know each others' demons... but we should try to remember that they are there.

Destashing...

...is a fascinating process.  I've found things I didn't know I had...and I'm  only half way through the process.  Then, combining them in groups to sell them has been interesting, too... here's a selection.

All those ideas, and good intentions, that never came to anything.  Now, it's a question of making room for all the new ideas I'm having...

If you want to peruse my stash as it appears for sale, and you're on Facebook, look here; I'm giving my FB buddies first shot at this...then I'll move them to my selling blog, Artmixter's Emporium.  Meanwhile, I've got some measuring and cutting to do... (whimper).  After the commercial fabric, comes the hand dyes... and then a few small pieces of work... I really do need some space.

So I Couldn't Wait...

to see what they looked like printed onto fabric, so I printed one small piece, and one large piece, on Evolon, and here's the results.

Not the best of photos, but gives you an idea of how it has turned round...the background is pure white, rather than the odd pale lilac it's showing here.  That's the small piece (no surprise there...), a bit larger than A4.  And this is the larger piece...

which, for reasons best known to my software, is fairly accurate, colour wise.  In both cases, though, it's all about the line, just as in the linescapes series.  Dammit, how much work can any one person have going at the same time... ?

Now to find more Evolon...and wait til it's cool enough to do some more ironing...

Following The Plan...

seems, on the surface at least, a reasonable thing to do.  So I did.  I made green and brown transfer dye papers, because I needed to for a project.   I needed two or three.  I ended up with nearer twenty.  Oops.

All of them were supposed to look like  this;

I'm going to make some leaves... the blue isn't really blue, honest.  Or I hope it isn't.  In fairness, about half a dozen of the papers do look like this; one has some red added, another, yellow, just for fun.  Mostly, though, they're brown and green.

And because I wanted to use up the leftover dye, the small amount that was left in the bottom of the tubs I was using, after I had put the excess into sealed containers for next time, I thought I'd do some mark making. And ended up with lots more papers than I had intended, and had to take some dye back out of the sealed containers... well, you know how it is... when you're on a roll, you're on a roll...

This is what I ended up with.. at least, a sample of it.

I really enjoy working with transfer dyes, though admittedly don't enjoy the heat transfer bit, but we can't have it all...  It'll be interesting to see how these look with added stitch... Evolon here I come...

I'm glad I didn't follow the plan.  Amongst other things, it reminded me that I don't like to be too tidy, too calculated; another reason to go upstairs and sort out Even More Fabric to get rid of.  If you are on Facebook, and want to join my stash busting group, click here .  I'll be starting with FQs of commercial fabric, and progressing through the hand dyes, and then, I think, will probably add some small pieces of work.  Mwhah.