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Monday, February 05, 2007

Back From Beyond?

Well, no. Not quite. But I'm getting there.

Depression is a constant in my life. When I say that, I don't mean that I'm full of doom, gloom, hellfire and despondency all the time; far from it. Actually, in truth, I spend a lot of time denying to myself and others that I have any kind of a problem. That's not really a useful strategy, but it has worked for most of my life. These days, it doesn't work so well, mainly because the illness is insistent that I admit the limitations it places on me. I'm a very slow learner. One of the things it reminds me is that I'm not Superwoman. Hell, I knew that; I don't wear my underpants outside my trousers, for a start... Sadly, however, that doesn't mean that I don't behave like Superwoman every now and again, take on too much and crash and burn. That's what happened recently, and why I've been so silent. Now, you find me starting to pick up the pieces, and make decisions.

I'm simplifying my life; I'm giving up the running of Alternativequiltlist on yahoo, and becoming an associate, rather than a full member of The Well. Going backwards to go forwards. Allowing myself some space and time to be, rather than to do. I'm not any sadder than I was, but I do hope I come out of this wiser. Why is being kind to oneself so difficult? Or even just remembering what I need, and providing it?

I'm beginning to paint again, after a period when I thought all my work was unbearably awful, textiles, paintings, the works... moving back to process when for a time, I got distracted by outcomes. The paintings are gentle, like this one, Blue Moon, a simple little square painting.


Linda said...

It's good to hear that mind and body are re-aligning themselves again.

As for the painting, I do like simple. Have you looked at it in a simpler setting - against a plain background? I think it will speak even louder.

Linda Schiffer said...

I'm glad to see/hear that you are ok again. When your posts stopped suddenly, I figured that you had 'crashed and burned' as you put it. Being a fellow sufferer, as i am, I entirely understand your 'slow learner' problem. I, too, am entirely too optimistic, followed by total incapacity, if I forget the rule it has taken me 15 years to learn -- I am not superwoman. sigh

My very best hopes that you are feeling much, much better!

:) Linda

smarcoux said...

Well now missy ... wearing your underpants on top of your trousers hmmmm I havent see you do that yet but hey .. if we gave you a few extra glasses of wine I am sure we could persuade you ;))


suzanne said...

Marion about the underpants I was thinking Madona, glad your back also, and they say a rest is as good as a change, a girl has to do what ever is good for her, and that can only happen when you choose to do it, because no one else can do it, only you, the painting is very nice, can't wait to see your next painting.
So keep blogging, we will be waiting.

Dianne said...

Hello marion
Its good just to read your words, and you still never lose that sence of humour of yours you funny lady you.. Your always in my thoughts...

Carol said...

Its good to see you posting again Marion, I love the simplicity of the painting

Sassenach said...

Don't feel like you're going backwards -- you're prioritizing and making some room for yourself to breathe.

As for me, I keep leaving my cape in the dryer....